December 2020: Graduation Pictures, Trip to New Hampshire, Graduation with my Family
I feel a certain level of crazy every time a new year approaches. I'm not positive I'm one for change based on a certain day of the year or a certain holiday. I don't feel particularly different when I turn a year older, or when another winter comes back around and I'm headed home for the holidays. A lot can come about in any given timeline, and that's how I distinguish a change in any year, through a change in myself.
It is truly amazing how much one year can truly define a person, especially a year rooted entirely in instability and "unprecedented times" (I've gotten real familiar with that saying in the past few months). I think my biggest fall out of the year came right at the beginning, before COVID took hold and the world began crumbling into whatever state it is today. I had many hopes for the New Year, a new relationship was blooming, I just spent the holiday season at home and for once nothing went horribly wrong, and I was ecstatic to see my friends. But then I was dumped. I've dealt with heartbreak before and I'm not quite sure why this one threw me for a loop, but I spent most of the month of February feeling awfully sorry for myself, half-assing all my assignments, and constantly nagging my friends for comfort along the way.
It's interesting when you hit a turning point right at the cusp of a global pandemic. My friends and I decided we would be spending the spring break of 2020 in Bonita Springs, Florida, a beautiful little town filled with retirees and the rich. This was my turning point. Happy, settled, soaking in sunshine and laughing at media coverage about an illness that was showing up in 1 in every 100,000 people. Life is crazy like that. I can thank Bonita Springs for being my sanity for one week and one week only, as that turning point may have saved the rest of the year for me.
I spent my time back from Florida in a state of dread knowing that nothing was going to be the same. I spent my time driving back to Maryland sobbing my eyes out and questioning why life had to be so unkind to ME. Why I had to spend MY 21st at home with my family? Why I was the one that had all MY big plans cancelled? Why MY life was such a mess? At the end of the day, it wasn't about me. It's about everyone. I've never felt so tragically close to the world and others as I have this year. And its awfully depressing but awfully reassuring.
I spent much of the summer traveling between friends. I got to go to Vermont like I have every summer, vacation with my family in New Jersey every year, and spend time in South Carolina with all of my favorite people, with little to no repercussions for my adventures. I finally got the opportunity to visit Nashville, a city that caused me so much trauma (I will never return to Brentwood) but also showed me so much love. I returned a second time and am praying that I make that city home one day. I returned back to work consistently and happily, while balancing a full course load. I created friendships with my neighbors in Columbia that I never want to lose. I formed stronger bonds with my friends than ever before. I became friends with my ex that broke my heart in January. I became the best of friends with the deli manager next door and was offered free food that single-handedly helped me survive this semester. I fell in love with Columbia as a city that brought me peace. I fell horribly in love with myself.
And it sounds so cliche. That the year that brought the most harm also brought the most joy. But it did. I have grown so much into who I am and what I stand for in this year of unsureness. I have grown so confident in my flaws, in what I need to improve, the path I want to take. My heart has grown softer and I have grown kinder. I am weaker in my emotional resolve but it allows me to be a better person at the end of the day. I've seen my flaws and I've seen what needs to be improved in the coming year and I cannot wait to learn more in 2021 than I have ever before.
2020 was kind to me. My family survived, unscathed. Many cannot say the same and I cannot count my blessings enough each day for my own health and the health of the ones I love. I have been granted the opportunity to graduate and continue my stay in Columbia to pursue my Masters in Mass Communication. I have found the most solid and supportive friends here who love me unconditionally. I have found love in myself, which is all I can ask for. I have found purpose.
I am writing this post here, on the 10th of January, at the cusp of a new semester that starts tomorrow. Three graduate courses, two internships, and a graduate assistantship are holding me hostage in this new year. Am I absolutely terrified and already overwhelmed? Yes. But I am so incredibly ready to take on this new season in my life. I am ready to learn and develop my skills, to work hard and prove to myself that I am ready for what life throws at me. I hope to contribute to this blog each month, and to hold myself accountable for my QOTD and Gratitude Journal, along with a weekly church service to connect me with my faith deeper than before. I am hoping to find peace and maintain mental health amid the chaos. I am ready for whatever comes my way.
So 2021, here's to you, another year of the unexpected! So be it! Let the fun begin...
Comments